HE OFFERED HER THE WORLD, SHE SAID SHE HAD HER OWN.
omgbuglen:

hkirkh:

Girl Scouts are the ONLY exception.

"We’re selling thin mints.
Do you know who else loved thin mints.
Jesus.”

abaddonadler:

abaddonadler:

One time I was at a church retreat and a bunch of us were all talking and playing cards. Well I ran out of soda just as my friend was getting up to get a refill so I shouted to him "Hey, Bryan, Mountain Dew me.” Do you see where this is going because I did not. 

You guys, I literally shouted a phrase that sounded like “Mount and do me” in a room full of very conservative people. I did not share this near death experience for 22 notes.

52,065 notes

sisterjudyjudybobudy:

weetbixgod:

hotdadcalendar:

I’m actually concerned for boys who complain about how different girls look without makeup. Like did you think eyeshadow permanently alters a girls eyelid? Are you frightened when people change clothes

Babies have no concept of object permanence

That’s one of the sickest burns I’ve ever read. 

238,698 notes

ifwefallonemoretime:

theorginalmiddlechild:

helenas-hood:

Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” and he was like “Oh my god I’m so sorry I thought you were a boy.”

Soda just spewed out my nose

THAT WAS A PLOT TWIST

564,082 notes

nutritionbeast:

This is what happens when a smoker quits. Pass it on.

youdtearthiscanvasskinapart:

youdtearthiscanvasskinapart:

EVEN IF A GIRL IS EMOTIONAL BECAUSE SHES “ON HER PERIOD” DOESNT MEAN ITS A GOOD IDEA TO CALL HER OUT ON IT CAUSE LEMME TELL YOU WHEN IM OPENLY BLEEDING I HAVE ENOUGH RAGE AND APPETITE TO EAT MY WEIGHT IN CHOCOLATE AND I CAN PROBABLY EAT YOU TOO SO BACK THE FUCK UP

I like how this very slowly gets notes like everyone once in a while a girl gets her enemy and then come back and reblogs this

123,658 notes

dry-cereal:

dry-cereal:

dry-cereal:

once i was sick so i got a prescription for codeine cough syrup and when i went to pick it up the pharmacist was like “you really won’t need all of this” and i was like “it’s ok i could just sell it at school” and he was like “YEAAAAAAAH FUTURE PHARMACIST” and fist bumped me

ok apparently this pharmacist is my brother’s old pot dealer

his name is scooter

289,772 notes

just-about-miss-lawrence:

We all love this face Katniss made

image

But let’s not forgive face she made when Johanna said she’d love to put her axe in her stylist :D

image

13,479 notes

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